……….At the risk of sounding like a right old fart, when I was a kid, comics I read were simple and straightforward! They were usually stories about kids taking part in a sort of undeclared war with some adult or other or they were stories about heroes, who also seemed to be engaged in some sort of undeclared war with other adults!If I’m honest, I never thought of them as reading – they were simply momentary fleeting though enjoyable diversions – but they were simple, repetitive, formulaic and a bit predictable to say the least. The only debates we ever had were about which was best – were you Beano or Dandy, were you The Victor or Hotspur, and were you Oor Wullie or The Broons(this is a uniquely Scottish thing!)
Giles Coren – Professional Mr Angry – “Do my raised eyebrows give you the impression I’m an angry man – or do they just make me look like a dickhead?”
Just a few days into the New Year however, the announcements for the final shortlist for the Costa Prize sparked a whole different kind of debate about comics. It started when the shortlists were first announced back in November. Giles Coren, who some might describe as a journalist and society commentator in publications like The Times, (and who others might simply describe as a dickhead!) started it all off with a bit of a rant in The Spectator about the literary establishment, the meaningless nature of a literary prize and accusing the prize and the literary establishment of condescendingly thinking that by including a comic book on the shortlist they were conferring a legitimacy on comic books as literature. At least that’s what I THOUGHT old Giles was droning on about. Cue backlash – and not from the literary establishment but the comic book genre’s most strident supporters! There ensued what you might just about call a debate between those who agreed or disagreed with Coren – but to be honest it read more like an exchange of insults and name-calling! If you want to read it in its entirety, it’s here at The Spectator
Personally I’ve not read a comic book – or a ‘graphic novel’ as I learned they are called from the comments to old Coren’s ramble – in fact the comment was “You clearly haven’t a clue what you are talking about……..EVERYONE refers to them as graphic novels!!!”. Now put your hand up if you didn’t know that! I’ve not read either of the comic books/graphic novels shortlisted for the Costa Prize, Days of the Bagnold Summer by Joff Winterhart and the one that made it to the final list, Dotter of Her Father’s Eyes by Mary M Talbot and Bryan Talbot. However I do quite like the sound of the Talbot’s book and so I might dip my toe into the world of comic books…ahem… graphic novels, yet!
But even if I enjoy the book, I can’t see me ever getting as steamed up as some of the people who love the genre were by Giles Coren’s article – it was like watching on as Britain’s professional “MR ANGRY” (if you don’t know Giles Coren’s stuff, it’s easy to summarise – he doesn’t like anything really!) was outdone and put back in his box by a succession of amateur MR ANGRY’S who were much more indignant and therefore vitriolic than anything he ever writes – perhaps while some of them might have been a bit deranged they were at least genuine in their feelings unlike Giles!
Anyway all this talk of comic books makes me feel rather nostalgic – so here are my top five comic book characters from my childhood
1. Roy Race – Had he been a Scotsman, and real, we’d have taken him to the World Cup in Argentina in 1978 and we’d have won it – even that bloody eejit Ally McLeod couldn’t have messed up a team with Roy Race in it! He was the second greatest footballer I ever saw – obviously no one will ever surpass Eric Cantona!
2. Alf Tupper – the Tough Of The Track. A comic strip hero of the old days – a middle distance athlete with one important characteristic that I adored – he was a working-class bloke and he was a great athlete who beat posh blokes – I believed in it all the way until the ultimate posh bloke, Sebastian Coe, beat Steve Ovett in Moscow Olympics in 1980 – the revenge of the “toffs” that was! Bastard – he’d never have beaten Eric Cantona over 1500m though!
3. Billy’s Boots – I think this was in Scorcher. Billy was a kid mad-keen on football – but he was rubbish. Until that is he gets a pair of ancient old boots, I think worn by the great Dixie Dean (or at least modeled on him). The old boots transform Billy into the kid who plays like Eric Cantona – without them he’s more like Eric Morecambe! My younger brother must have read these when he was little and believed in it – how else can I explain why he’d buy the most expensive boots in the shops to play for our Sunday League team and still be completely shite every week! To be honest, my brother would have been shite even if he’d been wearing Cantona’s boots!
4. Photo stories in Jackie comic! My sister used to get this to read – I took the piss out of it mercilessly. But when nobody else was around I used to read it for two things – the Cathy and Claire problem page (it had such gut-wrenching dilemmas as “How Can I Kiss Him When He’s Got A Cold Sore!” and “My Trendy Clothes Are Ruining Our Relationship!”) and for the romance photo-stories!!! My sister read these for the romance – I read them for tips on girls, kissing and chat up lines I could steal and use – I discovered that while these maybe worked on a photo-shoot in the exotic, bright light, Friday night, streets of London they were bloody useless on a wet and windy Tuesday in Greenock! (I know it was wet and windy because it is ALWAYS wet and windy in Greenock!)
5. Desperate Dan. He, more than anyone, started my love affair with the pie! I’ve never eaten a cow pie – but he started my life long love of Scotch pies and any other kind of pie! If I’m honest, I’d really say my pie love was triggered by “Aulds”, the most popular bakers shop in Greenock in the 60′s and 70′s – but since they never made it to comic book legend status, Dan will have to do!
